grief

Our Suffering is not Unique

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We are several months into the COVID-19 pandemic. Most of us have been “staying at home,” or in some form of lockdown for over a month now, some longer. These are strange times, difficult times, and we all know people who have suffered greatly because of this pandemic. We have suffered too: there are many losses, financial strain, anxiety and fear.

But our suffering is not unique.

We hear that these are unprecedented times, that our world will change forever, that things will never be the same. We read an over-abundance of information about our present day circumstances. We struggle to understand whom to trust, what information is accurate and unbiased, whose agenda we agreed with most. We deliberate over many judgment calls.

My point is not to undermine our suffering; my aim is to remind us that we join arms with many before us who have suffered greatly too. We would do well to think on the suffering of others throughout the course of history, to find encouragement in their stories of faithfulness; to limit our media intake, which promotes negativity and an obsession with our current time and crisis; and to continue pursuing Christian community in a time when it’s especially challenging.

My point is not to undermine our suffering; my aim is to remind us that we join arms with many before us who have suffered greatly too.

If we are consumed with our current day suffering, we cannot fix our eyes on Christ. If we are convinced that our suffering is unique, we are collectively self-centered. There are many reasons why we should choose to focus our minds on faith in Christ, on the faithfulness of God as he fulfills his promises, and not on the fear that we are tempted to experience during a worldwide pandemic. If we are to remain faithful as believers, and if our witness as a church is to proclaim peace and hope in a mighty God, we must actively live in faith rather than fear.

But… how?

Practically speaking, how do we choose faith over fear? How to we reject the narrative that our suffering is unique? Here are some suggestions that have been helping me lately.

+ take a spiritual, emotional, mental assessment

Let’s slow down, turn off all the “noise” and ask God to reveal to us what we are battling with. Why are you afraid? What is it that is making me fearful? Is it my health, or the health of my loved ones? Is it the financial strain that has hit, or is inevitably coming? Is it that people have said “life will never be the same” and the unknown is scary? Is it that I’m not sure I can do one more day with my kids at home running crazy, and yet I have a whole summer in front of me?

I encourage you to dust off the journal, and pour out your heart before God. Ask him to make plain your fears, your anxieties, your disappointments, your griefs. Jesus is our friend in grief, a lesson I have been learning for a few years. Pour out your heart to him, sit at his feet and rest in his love. It will do wonders for your weary, fearful soul.

+ reflect on history, and God’s faithfulness over the course of time

I’m sure many of you have seen this article reminding us of C.S. Lewis’ wise words written during a time when the threat of an atomic bomb was emerging. While the COVID-19 pandemic is a unique trial of our time, it is certainly not the first, nor likely the last, of it’s kind. Whether it be past pandemics, wars, economic or social strife, natural disasters, or any other crisis, our faith in an eternal God transcends the current event of 2020. Christians throughout history have sought to be faithful through hardships to a faithful God.

There are so many examples. Reread the stories of Noah, of Moses, of Joseph, of David, of the prophets. Many biblical characters experienced nationwide suffering on account of famine, war, persecution, enslavement. Many others experienced very difficult personal circumstances, and their stories have much to teach us too. Read Corrie ten Boom and her story of living as Christian during the Holocaust. Or read Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxes, or something by Dietrich Bonhoeffer (The Cost of Discipleship is a classic). Choose a Puritan writer. There are many over the course of history who’ve written honestly and brutally about suffering and faithfulness. These stories would encourage us again now.

+ limit media

I’m not the only one saying this, but there’s an overwhelming amount of media, mostly relatively negative, on the current state of our world. While it is important to keep up on a basic level so that we are informed, know how to behave and pray, we would do well to limit our time reading the news and engaging in social media. When we are reading constantly about predictions based upon worst case scenarios or data, we fail to take into account that we serve a God who is greater than this pandemic. His power and authority are not factored into the major news sources and so we are tempted to think the results are left to human experts. It’s worth saying again: God is greater than this pandemic!

We have the ability to choose the amount of media we consume, and this choice will directly affect our overall mindset.

We have the ability to choose the amount of media we consume, and this choice will directly affect our overall mindset. Check in once a day, or less, to keep updated. Then turn off the “noise” and use your time toward more holistic pursuits.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is brett-wisdom_pyramid-freebies-white-full.png
source: https://www.brettmccracken.com/blog/2017/8/3/the-wisdom-pyramid

Brett McCracken developed this pyramid three years ago: in this time “where we are bombarded by a glut of content and information but have so little wisdom, I think we need guidance on healthier habits of knowledge intake. We need a wisdom pyramid. We need to think about what sorts of “knowledge groups,” and in what proportion, feed a healthy life of true wisdom and true joy” (read full article here). His whole article is worth a read, and it is a worthwhile use of our time to ask these questions of our knowledge sources.

+ do not neglect community

Churches have been amazingly resourceful on the fly during this pandemic, and have provided all sorts of virtual support through online services, opportunities for counseling, Zoom (or WhatsApp in our case) small group meetings, etc. Meeting together online at the same time on Sunday does not, however, replace real life fellowship with believers – the body of Christ. In this time when we cannot or do not often see people in our communities, we still need to be intentional about pursuing community.

What does that look like during a pandemic? Checking in on each other. Making real phone calls. Sending cards, or ecards. Dropping off a bag of groceries or a meal. Sending emails. Reaching out particularly to the lonely. Not just to say “hi,” but to ask the deeper questions of:

  • how are you coping?
  • are you sleeping at night?
  • are you in the Word?
  • how can I support you?

The body of Christ needs each other, and all the more during a worldwide crisis. We are purposed to “bear each other’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2), and it just so happens that we collectively share a huge burden currently. If we neglect the fellowship of believers now, we will emerge from this weary, broken, and beaten down.

Look to Christ…and rejoice.

So, we reject that our suffering is unique, but look to the past, to the throngs of other faithful believers, and ultimately to Christ who experienced humanity’s deepest suffering on account of us. We choose to live in faith that God has got this, and not in fear. We are actively “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” (Hebrews 12:2-3).

And we cling to hope: “…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5).

What to Do in the Waiting

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Are you in the midst of waiting on something, someone? Have you petitioned God for a specific need, and not yet received an answer? Maybe it has been days, months, or even years.

If so, you’re in good company. Most of us are waiting for some specific answers to prayer – for a family member to know Christ, for a friend to be healed, for a child’s heart to change, for our own hearts to change, for direction, for clarity. I know we are not alone as we wait on our own answers for what God has in store for our family.

What I have found difficult is the question of what to do in the waiting. Does trusting God mean doing nothing? I don’t believe so. Perhaps even more so in seasons like this, there are definite things I have realized I need to be doing in order to wait in peace and with faithfulness. These are a few small actions I have found helpful in our limbo season:

1. Pray for my posture

Yes, we have covered the specific item we are needing in prayer, we have had many others praying with us, and we keep praying for resolution. But to pray for my own heart, for the peace of God to settle in my heart, for my mind to be fixed on Christ and not on my situation – I have needed to be careful not to neglect these aspects of prayer. That in my season of waiting, my heart and mind are correctly lifted toward God, that my posture is worshipful.

One of my favorites promises is found in Isaiah 26, “you keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” [v. 3]. It seems like every day there are many distractions that pull my mind away from Christ, that demand my focus. When I find myself particularly anxious about my situation, it is usually because I have not been fixing my mind on Christ. Especially in this season, I have needed to cling to God in prayer, to keep my mind stayed on him.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

2. Reflect on the character of God

How has God taken care of our needs in the past? How has he strengthened us through different seasons of difficulty, of waiting? Reflecting on how he has cared for us personally, and on his unchanging character, will strengthen us in our current seasons.

I don’t know about you, but in a waiting season like this, I realize my own weaknesses and limits in new ways. Jen Wilkin touches on what it means to be image-bearing children of God, “it means reflecting as a limited being the perfections of a limitless God. Our limits teach us the fear of the Lord. They are reminders that keep us from falsely believing that we can be like God. When I reach the limit of my strength, I worship the One whose strength never flags. When I reach the limit of my reason, I worship the One whose reason is beyond searching out.” [None Like Him -I recommend this whole book if you’re looking to reflect on God’s character].

When we see our own limitations more clearly, it ought to prompt us to worship God for his completely sufficient and unchanging character. While everything around us may be changing, he never will. 

Fixing our gaze on his character, rather than our situation, is worshipful.

Years ago, while walking through a dark season with a friend, I remember hearing JJ Heller’s song Who You Are where she sings, “sometimes I don’t know, I don’t know what you’re doing, but I know who you are.” What beautiful hope! We often don’t know the plans of God, or what he is doing in our life or the lives of others, but thankfully we can know who he is. Fixing our gaze on his character, rather than our situation, is worshipful.

3. Lament with hope

There can be this sense in our Christian communities that discouragement is not allowed; that it is unspiritual to be downcast. That one who is trusting in God never wavers. Thankfully, a good portion of the book of Psalms teaches us just what godly lament looks like. Over and over, David and other psalm writers cry out to God in their discouragement, in their distress, asking for his deliverance, for him to come through for them again… and they wait.

Multiple times between Psalm 42 and 43 the writer cries, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God” [Psalm 42:5, 11; 43:5]. David writes in Psalm 40:1, “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.” Friends, we can cry out to our God, who is full of compassion toward his children, who knows of our pain, of our discouragement, and who offers comfort in the midst of it.

In our lament, we cling to hope. We are not ones to cry out to God with forsaken hearts, but with expectant ones, looking in hope for what God will do for us. David continues in Psalm 40:2-3, “he drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.” We have good reason to wait with great hope.

4. Cling to the promises of God

Several weeks ago, our pastor preached on the book of Joshua, and encouraged us that God is faithful to keep his promises. In fact, Joshua 21:45 says, “not one word of all the good promises that the Lord had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass.” What an encouragement! What a faithful God we serve!

This prompted me anew to make a list of “the good promises that the Lord had made” to me. How can I cling to them if I don’t even know what they are? Years ago, I had memorized quite a few, but this season called for new reflection. Here are a few that I have been clinging to lately:

+ God’s sufficient grace: “”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” [2 Cor. 12:9]

+ God’s never-ceasing love and mercy: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” [Lam. 3:22-23]

+ God’s guidance and protection: “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.” [Is. 58:11]
and
“For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God – his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.” [Psalm 18:28-30]

I would challenge you to spend time in God’s word, reflecting on what he has promised, and make a list for yourself. Cling to these good promises of God!

——–

At some point, this particular season of waiting will likely end, and we look forward to that time. While we are still waiting, though, I am thankful for the opportunities to turn my gaze again and again to Christ, to be more deeply sanctified, and to learn anew what it is to trust him.

originally published on Dec. 3, 2019

God’s Kindness Through Hardship (Ruth 1)

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If you were at Fellowship Bible Church in Springdale last night, you heard Ben share on this topic from Ruth 1. Here are some follow-up devotional thoughts.

Naomi was bitter. Call me Mara, she told her friends who did not even recognize her. She had experienced famine, as a result of God’s judgment on disobedient Israel. She had followed her husband out of God’s promised land, into the land of God’s enemies. She had witnessed her sons take Moabite wives, against God’s will. If all of those were not hardship enough, she lost her husband and both her sons, without heirs left for her to care for, or to care for her.

The Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me, she said. In her pain, she did not deny God’s sovereignty. Could he have prevented these hardships in her life? Could he have spared her husband and sons? The Almighty has brought calamity upon me. She did not question his providence.

Perhaps you, like me, have called into question the theology of God’s sovereignty in difficult times, God, do you really have this? Perhaps you have wondered about God’s presence in your life, God, are you even there?

The Lord has testified against me, she said. Though Naomi understood and accepted God’s sovereignty in her life, she could not see past her pain. God, in his sovereignty, had afflicted her and she was consumed by it. She was so consumed by it that she did not notice God’s kindness to her.

For where you go I will go. For absolutely no logical reason, despite all of Naomi’s urging, Ruth insists on staying with her, promising never to leave her. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. She sheds her cultural identity, her religious identity, and any remaining family ties. Naomi is her family now, Naomi’s God is her God. In this life of a widow, a daughter-in-law of this caliber is a great gift.

The Lord has brought me back empty, she said. But does he? Naomi cannot see it. She cannot see that her life is not completely empty. She fails to acknowledge Ruth by her side. She fails to account for Ruth’s sacrifice on her behalf, for Ruth’s loyal love, for Ruth’s kindness.

Likewise, she fails to account for God’s loyal love, for God’s kindness.

Are we so consumed by our own hardships that we are failing to see God’s loyal love? God’s kindness? It might be through the words or actions of another, or through the gorgeous sunrise, or through the peace that comes only from him (Is. 26:3). It might be through the spiritual growth we can feel happening, the development of endurance, of character, of hope (Rom. 5:1-5). It might be that through these hardships, our faith is becoming stronger, more complete (Jam. 1:2-4). Can we take a moment, or more, to step back and consider the love of God from which absolutely nothing can separate us (Rom. 5:31-39)? The kindness of God, which is ultimately found through the suffering of Jesus Christ on the cross, for us?

In the rest of the Ruth story, we will see that through this great hardship God brought upon Naomi’s life, an even greater kindness will emerge.  

And today, as we face various hardships in our own lives, God’s kindness is ever present.

Let us have eyes to see it.

When God Doesn’t Give You the Desires of Your Heart

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“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4

Your heart aches, your arms empty. The quiet seeps in, your loneliness your companion. Your body aches, any healing seems impossible. Your child suffers, your heart breaks. Your mind questions, this loved one doesn’t believe. Your soul downcast, stuck in cyclical sin. Your heart heavy, the suffering doesn’t end.

Perhaps, like me, you are in a season where there is a strong unmet desire of your heart. This desire is good, for a blessing from God or for healing or for companionship or for children or for relief from pain or for a loved one’s salvation. And yet, God has not chosen to bestow upon you that which you so earnestly desire.

A Brief Commentary

Before moving on, let’s briefly explore what it means to “delight in the Lord.” Here in Psalm 37, the word “delight” literally means to “enjoy, be fond of, take pleasure and enjoyment in.” To say we delight in God ought to mean that we enjoy him, which brings to mind the Westminster’s Shorter Catechism answer to the question, what is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy him forever. But we don’t enjoy him in a pluralistic sense, as in, we enjoy God along with our spouse, our children, coffee, ice cream, being outside (if I’m making a list). We enjoy God fully, ultimately, as the one who fully completes us and alone brings ultimate meaning to our lives. We enjoy him even when we do not have a spouse, or children, or coffee or ice cream or the ability to be outside, because he is the beginning and end of our joy. He is fully our joy.

So then, what of our desires? Calvin, in his commentary on Psalms, helps explain: “it can never be well with us except in so far as God is gracious to us, so that the joy we derive from his paternal favour towards us may surpass all the pleasures of this world… if we stay our minds wholly upon God, instead of allowing our imaginations like others to roam after idle and frivolous fancies, all other things will be bestowed upon us in due season.”

Keeping this in mind, let me encourage you with a few thoughts for your weary heart.

Take Your Loss to Him

Though it may not feel like it, God knows the deep desires of your heart, for he knows everything.

“O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar” [Ps 139:1-2].

This desire is not unknown to the God of the universe, to the God of your life. He knows you so intimately that even “before a word is on my tongue…you know it altogether” [Ps 139:4]. You may not even voice your desires, and yet he knows them.

Though he knows them, there is much good for us to still take these unmet desires to God, in prayer. To open our hands, which clutch so tightly that which we so deeply desire, to gently open and offer it to God. To say, from deep in our spirits, “God, this is my desire. This is my loss. I do not understand, but I give it to you.”

God is not surprised; in fact, you and I cannot find a better friend in grief than Jesus. He indeed is “acquainted with grief” and has “carried our sorrows” as part of his experience as a man on this broken earth so many years ago [Isa 53:3,4]. He is not only qualified to hold your desires because he is the very God who created you and knows you intimately, but also because he is the very God who lived on this earth and died real death for you.

Acknowledge God’s Sovereignty

“I work all things to the counsel of my will” [Eph 1:11].

Firm belief in the sovereignty of God is the sweetest comfort when we are feeling the weight of unmet desires. We can know and trust that the God who created the world ordains it: “I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these things” [Isa 45:7]. Likewise, we can rest knowing that the God who created our very lives also establishes them, “the heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” [Prov 16:9].

You take steps, you walk forward, knowing each step you take is from God, both the joyful leaping lunges forward and the painful slow shuffling. Does this comfort you? It is a relief to know that ultimately, God is choosing to not give this desire now, for some reason you may not understand. But it’s not because he does not know you or hear you. His reasons are often beyond our understanding, but because he is a good, loving father, we can rest in his care for us.

Recently, my 18-month old found an old apple core covered with ants on the ground. She, in true toddler form, reached down, picked it up, and gleefully shouted over her discovery. So when I quickly reached down and plucked it from her grasp, and her glee turned to a despondent glum, all I could say was, “I know you thought that would be good. I know it looked good to you. But it is not good for you now.”

Your desire may be good, your heart may be for God’s glory, your steps may be obedient. But for some reason, only known by your good and loving father, he has not given it to you for now.

Rest in His Peace

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock” [Isa 26:3-4].

So we can take our unmet desire to God, holding it with open hands because we know and trust that God is sovereign over every aspect of our lives. What now?

Dear friend, rest. Take deep rest for your heart in the only one who can give you complete rest. In trust, there is rest. In trust, there is peace. In those moments of pain, seek to fully delight in God, because when your other desires are yet unmet, your heart will be full from his joy. It is possible, and God desires for us, to live with unmet desires but be fully satisfied in him.

When your heart is weary with unmet desire, turn your mind to your God, who knows you and hears you, who ordains your life, who alone can fully satisfy your heart. And in this active turning of your mind, rest in his perfect peace.

“But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.”

Psalm 73:28

Acquainted With Grief

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A few weeks ago during a particularly honest conversation with my mom, in which we were both sharing about the grief we were experiencing as we are transitioning our family overseas, she shared this simple, yet profound thought with me, “Jesus himself is acquainted with grief – that’s what the Bible says.”

In eighth grade, I memorized Isaiah 53 in the King James Version with my video school Bible class (yes, there was such a thing back then – VHS and all!). We started out by reading the chapter every day, and then gradually were able to put the Bible down and recite from memory this rich chapter. There’s much to be gleaned from this prophetic passage detailing Jesus’ coming to and living on earth, for the essential purpose of being “crushed” by the Lord (v. 10) in order to bear our iniquities and account righteousness to us (v. 11). Amazing! And here is why we celebrate Christmas, in a nutshell – in great praise and honor for Jesus’ coming to earth.

Lately, I’ve been pondering this part of this passage:

“He is despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: we hid as it were our faces from him, he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.” 

Isaiah 53:3-4, KJV

Taking a quick look into this passage, we know that the suffering Jesus experienced on earth was that which results from sin – individual sin, corporate sin, a world marked deeply and irrevocably by sin. Jesus had full human experience, all the grief and the sorrow and the suffering we likewise experience, but yet he lived a perfect life. This is an essential part of solid doctrine on the incarnation – Jesus is fully man and fully God. In order to completely accomplish redemption for humankind, Jesus must have lived a human life. In order to completely accomplish redemption for humankind, Jesus must fully be God, because only God can accomplish such a task.

This world is marked by grief and suffering and sorrow, so much, we know, from our own lives, from the news, from the lives of our friends and family. Jesus likewise experienced these griefs, and his suffering accentuates the consequences that sin brings into the world, because he experienced this grief without even sinning. Even more so, he did not just experience our grief and suffering, he “hath borne” them – meaning, he took them upon himself, invited them into his life, “carried” our sorrows. This was not a passive experiencing, but rather a very active one, in which Jesus chose in full obedience to the Father to take upon himself the sins of humankind and experience all of the grief, sorrow, and suffering which accompanies it.

Lately, I’ve had these lingering questions: what do I do with my grief? Where do I put it? How do I do it well? What can I learn from it? There is much yet for the Lord to teach me about this process, but something I have been thankfully clinging to is this: Jesus is acquainted with grief. He knows these very feelings, he has felt these very sorrows, during his life here in this broken world where death comes to all. Grieving, because of distance, because of lost time, because of lost relationship, is not unknown to God, but rather very familiar to him. In my grief, I can sit at the feet of Jesus and know that he is a friend to me. I can look to God as my loving Father, dwell in his shelter and find a shield in his faithfulness (Ps. 91:1-6). I can take great comfort in the God of all comfort, “who comforts us in our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God… for as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too” (2 Cor. 1:4-5). Not only this, but I can rejoice that through this grief “the tested genuineness of [my] faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7).

And while finding friendship in Jesus, resting in God’s comfort and shelter, and the refinement of my faith are unbelievable gifts, that’s not all. There’s also hope. Because, “out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous” (Is. 53:11). Because Jesus was acquainted with grief, because he bore the suffering of humanity and ultimately death on the cross so that some might be made righteous on account of him, we have much hope. Because he has already paid the penalty for our sin and in him we are found righteous before God. And because one day, he is going to make all things new. He has already said that he will right all that is wrong with this world: “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:3-4).

And so, in this season where grief is pronounced, I am reminded that I can draw even nearer to the heart of God, for he is my dearest friend, my strong shelter, my ultimate comfort, and the source of my great hope. Merry Christmas to you!

originally published on December 21, 2016